LGBTQ Youth Find Support After Family Rejection in Malawi
This call for societal change underscores the need for education and dialogue to combat prejudice and promote inclusivity.
LILONGWE, Malawi— When Kambiri(not her real name), 23, revealed her sexual orientation and HIV diagnosis to her family last year, they called her cursed and forced her onto the streets of Malawi's capital city, writes Meclina Chirwa.
Raised within a seemingly loving family in the vibrant city of Lilongwe, her life took an unexpectedly devastating turn following an HIV diagnosis.
The subsequent revelation of her sexual orientation to her family triggered a chain of events that led to her immediate rejection and subsequent homelessness.
The comfortable life she once knew vanished, leaving her to navigate the harsh realities of life on the unforgiving streets.
“My family said I was cursed, that I deserved my HIV diagnosis for being lesbian,” Kambiri recalls, her voice still trembling with the emotional weight of that traumatic experience.
“They kicked me out, leaving me with nothing.”
The abrupt severing of familial ties left her utterly alone, devoid of a home, support system, or even necessities.
The lack of a safety net plunged her into deep despair, fuelling suicidal thoughts as she struggled to secure even the most fundamental needs—food and shelter.
Adding to her plight was the significant challenge of accessing life-saving antiretroviral therapy (ART).
The healthcare facilities she approached proved to be neither inclusive nor sensitive to her needs, a stark reality that tragically prevents many gender and sexual minorities from receiving essential medical care.
This systemic failure to provide adequate and compassionate care further compounded her already dire circumstances.
In the darkest hours of her struggle, an unexpected glimmer of hope emerged.
One night, while seeking refuge from the elements within an abandoned building on the outskirts of Lilongwe, Kambiri encountered a small but significant community.
She discovered a group of LGBTQ+ youth, many of whom shared her experiences of HIV-positivity and familial rejection. This chance encounter proved to be a turning point in her life.
“They accepted me for who I am, HIV and all,” Kambiri says, her voice gaining strength as she reflects on this pivotal moment.
“For the first time, I felt like I belonged.”
This newfound family became her lifeline, offering a sense of belonging and mutual support that had been cruelly denied to her by her biological family.
This diverse group included a 19-year-old trans man who provided protection, a 22-year-old lesbian who offered invaluable wisdom and guidance, and a 25-year-old gay man who became a trusted confidant.
Together, they navigated the daily challenges of homelessness, sharing meagre resources, offering emotional support, and finding solace in shared stories and experiences.
The strength they found in their shared struggles became a powerful force, enabling them to endure the hardships they faced.
Despite the persistent hardships and the ever-present threat of hunger and exposure, Kambiri found remarkable resilience within herself and her newfound family.
“I realised I wasn’t alone. There were others like me, fighting for survival and dignity,” she reflects. This realisation became a catalyst for change.
After three months of defaulting on her ART regimen, she recommitted herself to her treatment, understanding its crucial role in her health and well-being.
This renewed commitment marked the beginning of her journey toward rebuilding her life.
“I want people to know that being a lesbian and living with HIV is not a curse. It’s a part of who I am, and I am proud of who I’ve become,” she declares with newfound confidence.
Kambiri’s story serves as a powerful testament to the human spirit's capacity for resilience and the transformative power of community.
Abandoned by her biological family, she found acceptance and a profound sense of belonging within a chosen family, a testament to the strength of human connection in the face of adversity.
Mtendere (not his real name), a 20-year-old gay man living with HIV in Lilongwe, shares a strikingly similar narrative of rejection and subsequent resilience.
Raised in a deeply conservative family in Central Malawi, he harboured hopes of acceptance when he came out as gay at the age of 18. His hopes were dashed, however, as he encountered rejection rooted in deeply ingrained cultural and religious beliefs.
“Many religions have scriptures that are interpreted as condemning LGBTQ+ identities,” Mtendere explains.
“My parents’ homophobic attitude towards me was even worse.”
The rejection extended beyond his family, leading to isolation, significant emotional trauma, feelings of guilt and shame, plummeting self-esteem, and ultimately, financial struggles and homelessness.
The weight of societal prejudice bore down on him, leaving him feeling utterly alone and abandoned.
“It was a terrible situation. I had nowhere to stay. Everyone abandoned me,” he recalls, his voice heavy with the memory of those dark days.
“I had to explore survival strategies. I had to build new relationships with accepting friends, connect with some LGBTQ+ networks for emotional support, and prioritise self-care, seeking counselling and therapy.”
Through sheer determination and a commitment to self-preservation, Mtendere managed to secure a shared apartment with accepting roommates.
He has since rebuilt his self-esteem and confidence, demonstrating a remarkable capacity for healing and growth. Despite the pain of the past, he still harbours a glimmer of hope for reconciliation with his family.
“Self-love and acceptance are crucial, and community support is vital,” Mtendere says. “I believe one day I will reconcile with them.”
His story, like Kambiri’s, underlines the critical need for societal acceptance and the life-affirming power of community support.
The stark contrast between the experiences of Kambiri and Mtendere and the perspectives of their families highlights the deep-seated prejudice that fuels the rejection of LGBTQ+ individuals.
Kambiri’s father stated, “We didn’t raise her to be this way. It is against our culture and religion. She has chosen a lifestyle that is not acceptable. We can’t support it. We love her, but we can’t accept her choices.”
Mtendere’s father echoed similar sentiments: “It is his choice, not ours, but we cannot accept a gay person in our family.”
These statements reveal the deep-rooted homophobia that continues to marginalise and endanger LGBTQ+ individuals in Malawi.
Group Village Headman Mtande of Mchezi, a member of a local chief’s forum, acknowledges the urgent need for awareness campaigns to address the issue of sexual orientation.
“Unfortunately, some of our children are being disowned because of their sexual orientation,” Mtande said.
“It’s high time organisations realise the need for raising awareness. Our community should learn to accept and support LGBTQ+ individuals.”
This call for societal change underscores the need for education and dialogue to combat prejudice and promote inclusivity.